Sexual Attraction-Indulge yourself in the Pleasures of the flesh




At 40, I’m having difficulty getting lubricated naturally. I love Dave, and had no problems for the first six months after we met, but now I can’t get wet at all. It’s embarrassing, and I worry he doesn’t enjoy sex as much now. I’ve used a vibrator since my early 20s, regularly when I was younger, but about twice a month for the past six years. I’m afraid this problem comes from using toys, especially one that has an intense, and strong vibration. I’ve never used toys with Dave, and have only used them alone a handful of times since we met two years ago.


Do not panic. While you are still a young woman, it is common for women to experience a decline in their body’s natural lubrication, as they get older.

It would be a good idea to have a chat to your GP about this, and about your general health. By assessing your hormone levels and so on, you will find out if you are approaching perimenopause, the time when your body begins to move towards menopause.

Two wonderful sources of information about this are available in Melbourne at Jean Hailes for Women’s Health, and the Royal Women’s Hospital’s Women’s Health Information Centre. You can learn more about this natural process, and also about treatment options if necessary.

Setting health issues aside, however, I have always advised women to keep some personal lubricant handy at all times, regardless of their age. Even the wettest women can get a little dry at times. The more active your sex play, the more likely it is that nature’s lubricant is not enough. Using a lubricant is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s just the best way to stay comfortable.

When choosing a personal lubricant, go for something that is good quality, and not loaded with chemicals. The best water based lubes are very natural, and excellent for sensitive skin. The Anti Cancer Council recommends SYLK Natural. Silicone lubes stay slippery for longer, but again, choose quality, ensuring that it contains medical grade silicone.

Getting worried, and thinking about whether or not Dave is enjoying himself, does not help the situation. When you are stuck in your head, and running through negative thoughts, you are not experiencing what is pleasurable. To get physically aroused you need to be in your body, in the moment, swept away by the experience.

The fact that this was less of an issue at the start of your relationship is also natural. This early period (called “limerance” by psychologists) is a heightened, and intensely erotic time. However, it usually subsides after about 6–18 months, transitioning into the next phase of your connection. Your sexual pleasure does not have to decline, but the fireworks, champagne bubbles and the “falling in love/lust” excitement settles down.

There is an aspect of your concern that suggests that you might carry some shame about your sexuality. There is a cultural archetype deeply entrenched in our society that says that sexually potent, active, and adventurous women always come to a bad end. This needs to be vigorously challenged. You have done nothing wrong by exploring and enjoying your sexuality, using pleasure-enhancing toys.

The good news is that the quality of a woman’s sex life after menopause is largely dependent on the quality of her sex life before menopause. By exploring and enjoying your sensual self, you have actually been investing in your sexual longevity. In fact, many doctors and physiotherapists recommend that women use a vibrator as they get older, to massage the genital area, helping it to keep functioning well.

Talk to Dave about what you are experiencing, but preferably not when you are making love. You can not only let him know about your discomfort, you can also find out if it really is affecting him or not.  I am sure that the idea of using some lubricant will not bother him at all, especially if it means more enjoyable sex all round. Perhaps you could even suggest incorporating some toys into your sex play. This could be erotic, and assist with your arousal



Published by Henry, on October 28th, 2014 at 12:11 am. Filled under: LUBES LIQUIDS FLUIDS,WOMEN. Tags: , , , | No Comments |

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